Due to privacy issues, I don’t publicly share the speeches I ghostwrite for clients. So here’s a best man speech written purely as an example. You already know the couple, “Sesame Street’s” Bert and Ernie. The best man is Oscar the Grouch. I wrote it for fun, but you’ll see that it sticks pretty faithfully to my 6 parts of a great wedding speech, blends sentiment and humor, and diplomatically addresses a potential elephant in the room.
EXAMPLE OF A BEST MAN SPEECH
Part 1: INTRODUCE YOURSELF
Like the man said, I’m Ernie’s best man, Oscar the Grouch. Unless this speech doesn’t go well, then I’m Gonzo.
Part 2: THANK YOUS & ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
On behalf of all the guests, thanks to our hosts, Bert and Ernie’s parents, for spoiling us rotten this weekend. The rehearsal dinner, everything today, breakfast tomorrow – it’s incredible. I’ll be shocked if I fit back into my trash can Monday.
Part 3: YOUR HALF OF THE COUPLE AND WHY THEY’RE GREAT
Ernie and I first met when he moved onto Sesame Street and threw some moldy avocado into my trash can. I popped up, got right in his face and said, “Hey! Who do you think you are?” Instead of punching me in the nose or doing a ‘tip and run’ with my can, he gave me that big, goofy grin of his, said “I’m Ernie!” and tuck out his big, furry hand out for me to shake. You bet I shook it. I may be a grouch, but I’m not an animal.
Plus, I still had his moldy avocado all over my hand, so it was good payback.
Part 4: THE OTHER HALF OF THE COUPLE AND WHY THEY’RE GREAT
Not long after I met Ernie, he introduced me to his roommate, Bert.
Yeah, we all had our suspicions, but it wasn’t our business until they wanted it to be. I think we all knew how they felt about each other before they did – but the night they figured it out – is not my story to tell. You have to wait for their speech for that.
But here’s what I can tell you –
Part 5: WHY THEY’RE GREAT TOGETHER
They make each other happy. They make Sesame Street happy. They even make me happy, and as you can tell from the name, that ain’t easy.
They’re always there for the people in their lives.
When that truck from the city backed over my can, and banged me up pretty good, they were the first ones at the hospital. They picked up my folks from the airport and set up trash cans for them to stay in.
Ernie made me chicken soup. Bert made me a binder for my lawsuit against the city – complete with sections and tabs and highlighting. That binder is responsible for the settlement payment that got me back up on my feet – and why I have a holiday dumpster in Tuscany.
And when I finally recovered from my injuries and moved into my new digs, they threw me a can-warming party – which sounds a lot naughtier than it was.
I was going to end this speech by telling you guys you’re like brothers to me. But that’s not true. You’re not like brothers to me. You two are my brothers. I love you.
Let’s wrap this up before I start crying and get my can all rusty.
Part 6: A BIG, RAISE YOUR GLASS TOAST
Boys, I know I speak for everyone here when I wish you a lifetime of health, happiness, laughter and, I don’t know -- warm cans? Get your minds out of the gutter. I mean that nice!
(RAISING GLASS) To Bert and Ernie!
